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Jul. 19th, 2013

dancing kitty

I think I was blind before I met you...

Call me mrs.

I met my husband on the internet back in 2004 on an mcchris fan site. We clicked. I don't know exactly why... perhaps I was lonely and flirting, but I ended up falling in love with him. He fell in love with me. I realized he was really my first love. I'd always been in lust.

I felt as if I had just woke up when I saw his face. He swung me around in the airport when we first met. We moved in together within 3 weeks. He moved from California to be with me in Louisiana. I adored him.

I still adore him.

There is something about being married to your best friend, the best lover, the most intuitive person you've ever met who can guess what you're feeling or thinking before you even know it. He's a fixer... he wants to fix me when I need to be fixed. He loves me just the way I am, though.

He gripes about me leaving cups in places, not emptying the garbage, etc. But... he teaches me things. I learn from him. I love him. He loves me. There are no other men for me. I see other men... but, no one could ever compare to him.

So, we met online in October 2004. We met in person in February of 2005. We were married in May of 2005. We've hit our bumps in marriage (who doesn't? And if you say you, you're lying), but we worked through it together. We have come out stronger. I almost died. He did not run... he took care of me.

I'm a person who copes daily with these illnesses:

Social Anxiety
Bipolar Disorder
Severe Mood Swings (see bipolar disorder)
Immune Thrombocytopenia Purpura
Panic Attacks
Severe Paranoia

I am being treated medically for these things. I am also working with doctors on the newest diagnosis... lupus. They are trying to figure out if it is systemic or subcutaneous.

In all this, it's a post to let you know who I am. Where I am. And, why I am here. I am here to put my feelings somewhere so I feel like they are not boiling up inside of myself. I've dealt over the years with severe cutting issues, severe weight issues, feelings of suicide, fainting spells from holding my breath subconsciously during panic attacks, and bouts of running to the hospital with the fear I am dying.

This will contain poetry, recipes, painful sobbings of my health and the noise in my head. It will all be a release for me.

If you'd like to read and comment, feel free. I don't know how you found me, but I love strangers. Especially people who can relate.

I do not expect people to read this. I expect this to remain empty. It is a journal for my feelings. But, if I meet people in the long run, that is fine.

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